


This Is What I Call Life

by Grinner_H



Series: 15 a Piece Prompt Challenge [6]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Family, Friendship, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-06
Updated: 2016-11-06
Packaged: 2018-08-29 10:57:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,203
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8486695
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Grinner_H/pseuds/Grinner_H
Summary: For Prompt #34 - Dreamer (selected by Ash from 200 Writing Challenge).





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Ominous_Rain](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ominous_Rain/gifts).



> For Prompt #34 - _Dreamer_ (selected by **[Ash](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ashida)** from **[200 Writing Challenge](http://insane-1.deviantart.com/art/200-Writing-Challenge-68163506)** ).

He remembers the first dream.

An invisible weight pressing down upon him. An unnamed force dragging him down. 

Down, down, down into rivers of blood painting coarse sand crimson. 

Down into rough, brown grains that fill his nostrils, his mouth, his lungs till all he can breathe is copper and hatred.

Blood and sand and death closing in around him and all that remains above the surface is his hand that's reaching out and grasping nothing.

Gaara remembers the first dream that becomes the second that becomes the six hundred and fourteenth.

He remembers being alone.

—

Sometimes, Gaara dreams while he's awake. 

He dreams of a mother who never left him. A father who doesn't try to kill him. An uncle who doesn't betray him. Siblings who won't fear him. 

He dreams of a family that only shows him love. Of loyal friends and a village he can protect.

Gaara prefers his waking dreams to those that plague him during slumber, so he tries to pretend they're real. Tries to ignore the voice in his head that speaks of chaos and carnage, of blood and _hurt._

He tries to never sleep again.

—

One day, he meets a boy.

A boy who spent most of his life alone. A boy who's hated and scorned by those who don't deserve his protection or loyalty. 

A boy whose passion and courage outclasses everyone's. A boy who never ceases _trying,_ even when he _should._

A boy who loves like he'll never run out of it.

Gaara wonders a lot about that boy. Analyzes him. Tries to understand him.

He wonders how Uzumaki Naruto could laugh and love and _live_ so tirelessly. 

He wonders what his life would be like with Naruto in it.

Wonders what _love_ is supposed to feel like.

—

Being the Kazekage leaves him no time to dream, so Gaara spends most of his time thinking about the future instead.

He thinks about his enemies and the wars he'll have to fight. Thinks about his people and a village he was born to protect that - until recently - never felt like home. 

He thinks about Temari and Kankurou - the only family he has left in this world, the only ones he can trust with his life. Thinks about his allies and unity and the end of the world.

Most of the villagers look up to him now, depend on him. Gaara notices the admiration, respect, and _faith_ replacing fear, rejection, and loathing in their eyes, and tries not to think about how strange it all feels. 

Tries not to think of how utterly fucking _terrifying_ \- how _excruciating_ \- it would be to fail them.

Gaara knows that if Naruto were in his place, he'd never cease trying to fix the world. He'd never let impossibilities crush his inimitable spirit.

So he leeches strength from the first person he's ever been able to call a friend and tries to dream of peace.

—

Gaara _likes_ Nara Shikamaru, even though he doesn't understand why Temari feels the way she does about him.

He studies his sister in quiet curiosity, watches the hard edges of her eyes soften, the way her voice gentles, the way her face lights up whenever she talks about him.

Shikamaru often speaks about how women and relationships are more trouble than they're worth, but Gaara knows that - in Shikamaru's discerning eyes - Temari is the exception to all his rules. 

Temari often gushes about how - even before she realized it - it must've been love at first sight. Which - in Gaara's opinion - is a strange thing, given how they met.

She had told him once, that profound love could never be explained or comprehended unless one experienced it themselves. 

Gaara hadn't understood her then - just as he hadn't understood what Naruto found in Hyuuga Hinata that appeared to complete him so - and he doesn't understand it any more _now._

He convinces himself that understanding such things shouldn't matter as long as the ones he loves are happy.

—

It is only when Gaara is cradling a slumbering Shikadai in his arms that he understands the meaning of _love at first sight._

The profundity of it astounds him. Gaara wonders if Yashamaru had felt this way once, when he'd looked upon Gaara for the first time. 

He wonders what it would feel like to have a child of his own.

—

He returns to the Nara compound one day, finds Shinki and Boruto sparring in the yard. From his spot beneath a shady tree, Shikadai is observing them with keen eyes that belie his perpetually bored expression. 

By his side, Naruto chuckles, warm like sunlight. "They grow so fast, don't they?"

Gaara watches the fond expression adorning Naruto's face, knows that it must be mirroring his own. He watches the children and imagines their future. His son, the Sixth Kazekage. His nephew, the Eighth Hokage's advisor. Suna and Konoha, united.

"Hey," Naruto says, bumps his shoulder against Gaara's. "What are you thinking?"

The truth is, Gaara's thinking about lots of things. 

He thinks about his mother who truly loved him, who never stops protecting him even after death.

About a father who finally _saw_ him, one who he could - at long last - _forgive._

Thinks about his uncle who loved him just as much as his mother did, the gentle kindness he proffered when all everyone else saw was a monster.

Gaara thinks about Temari's wisdom and her fierce protectiveness. Thinks about Kankurou's playful affection and his unwavering support. He thinks about his siblings - loyal, brave, _forgiving_ despite all he had put them through - and Gaara feels a rush of what he has learned to identify as gratitude and unadulterated _joy._

He thinks about Sunagakure. Thinks about the desert he grew up in, the paths he has walked. Its unity and its allies. Thinks about its people, the ones who entrust their lives to him, those who believe that he would keep them safe.

And he thinks of the children. He thinks about astute, self-assured Shinki and sharp, honorable Shikadai and knows that there is no greater pride, no greater success than them.

Gaara thinks about the vividity of dreams, the structured precision of wishful thinking. Thinks about real life that's messed up and complicated and so much better. 

He looks at Naruto - best friend, kindred spirit, the man who taught him the true meaning of life and laughter and _love_ \- and smiles, bright like Naruto's own. "I'm home."

—

He remembers the dream.

The weight of the world crushing him. The stench of guilt and death all around him, all over him. Permeating his skin, settling into his bones, stealing the breath from his lungs till he forgets what air is supposed to feel like.

He remembers the terrifying descent into an ocean of blood and sand, the futility of his hand clawing above the surface, desperately reaching for something, _anything -_

And then he feels it. 

Warmth closing around his fingers. The firm grip, the hard tug. The dizzying upward rush, the sudden burst of light, and the shocking relief at being able to _breathe_ again.

Gaara remembers a man. One with the biggest grin, the warmest laugh, and the brightest, most honest eyes he's ever seen.

He remembers he isn't alone.


End file.
